Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
my liver is dry heaving
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
