In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize