I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
