All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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