i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
