she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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