and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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