I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
