is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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