I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
