I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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