i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I need water and some morals
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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