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Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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