Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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