he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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