Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
