I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
