I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
