I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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