Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
