I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Apparently you make a good broom.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
