I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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