I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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