I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
