fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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