I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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