Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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