Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
