dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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