She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
