Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
