It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
