Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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