one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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