Umm I'm too high to move.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Randomize
