she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
