shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
