take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
