I'm so fucking centered right now
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
