I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
