I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
