I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
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Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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