this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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