you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
