Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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