His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
