I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
