Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
