and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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