grandma shit on top of the toilet
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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