oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
