Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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