he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just gift wrapped bread.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
