Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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