hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
