it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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