the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
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Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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