I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
