Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I've blown a few things in my day
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
