I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I want her autograph on my taint
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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