I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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