some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
