Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
