i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
