We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
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So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
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Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?