a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.