I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...