so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015