you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
True strength comes from lack of pants
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
