I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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