i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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