You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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